If you have not read My Experience with the “Love Bite, I recommend that you do that, before reading the following.
After the relationship I described in my previous post, I had to learn how to heal. This process was and is not instantaneous. It takes dedication, a willingness to look at yourself with a clear, honest perspective, and a desire to change the qualities which you do not like.
Leaving the Relationship
The first step for me was finding the courage to walk away, even if it meant being alone.
Initially, I reached out to really great people, who encouraged me to leave the relationship and who saw me for me, apart from him – and they recognized who he was and made it known.
Loving and honest friends can provide a safe support system to grieve the changes you are going through and will hold you accountable, if you are able to be really honest with them. Throughout the relationship I had with Derek, I learned to lie or to lie through omission, by keeping certain information to myself to protect him and to also protect myself from the judgment of others. It is tough to be accountable, when you’re not being honest with yourself; and, even though self-honesty can be difficult, it is key, when facing that which you do not like.
What I really needed, then, was love through everything – which is hard to find, especially in a society that promotes tough love or letting people hit rock bottom. I didn’t realize that people being honest was love either – I found it extremely difficult to hear the truth. My inner self always knew the truth, though.
Action Plan: Know Your Enemy, Know Their M.O. and Know Thyself
Through the benefit of hindsight, I’ve been able to pinpoint three main areas that helped me leave the relationship, heal, and move forward in future relationships of all types, including the manipulation we experience from unseen forces, also.
Know Your Enemy
A person, entity or force who abuses you to any extent does not like you, nor do they love you, despite what they might say. The saying “actions speak louder than words” is critical here. How someone treats you shows a lot about their character and there are those out there who do a lot of talking, but don’t back up their words with appropriate action.
When I found the courage and desire to end the relationship, my first step was to become incognito, while I observed Derek. Because keeping myself safe was a priority, I continued to act as the person he expected me to be, until I felt I could safely initiate the breakup and leave the relationship.
As well, listing all the inconsistencies in his stories and what I actually observed was key in waking myself up. It provided legitimate reasons to leave, as well as a more clear understanding of what was actually occurring in the relationship. Seeing this over a well-documented time period bolstered my beliefs in my perceptions and validated my memories, which had gone to the wayside.
Cathy O’Brien, who bravely exposed her experience with Project Monarch in her books Trance Formation of America and Access Denied: For Reasons of National Security, noted that physically writing her memories down was an effective way of taking them out of her subconscious and bringing them into the physical world, or the conscious. When one recognizes the subconscious, and how it influences one’s life, its stronghold on conscious experiences is reduced. This recognition of the subconscious (the unseen) is crucial, when it comes to love bite relationships and the current circumstances we all face in this realm.
After I had compiled this list of evidence and stored it in a place where Derek would not find it (which was usually on my person when I left the house), I read it multiple times to remind myself of my experience, and especially after I had ended the relationship and felt tempted to go back or when I felt guilty for leaving him. I even read it years later, as a way of remembering what I went through, because it all becomes a blur.
When you end the relationship, do not go back. I know from personal experience that this is easier said than done; I was tempted several times to go back. I even slept with him after we broke up and after all of the abuse. It was a compulsion. Once you make the break, make it as clean as possible and, if at all possible, completely eliminate all contact. These types of people are very deceptive and persuasive, so it’s tough to get away if you’re in their vortex field.
Your heart space can sense 5-8 feet around you, which is why, when someone who’s grouchy walks into a room, you can sense the energy as they come in. If you’re in the field of an entity infested abuser, you can sense them and they can sense you, so, if at all possible, do not be in their field.
If you have exited an abusive relationship and are battling the pull to go back, reach out and talk to someone: a friend, a counselor, a supportive family member — anyone but the abuser. Sometimes a person needs support to remember their worth and a reminder of how the relationship appeared to the people outside of it.
Know Their M.O. (Modus Operandi)
What will they do to confuse you? To get you back? To hurt you? To convince you that they “love” you? It is of utmost importance to plan for contingencies. Try the If/Then Thought Experiment. If they do this, then what will you do? Play out the scenarios in your mind. Play out everything you can think of, so you’re prepared for anything.
Write down and recognize all of these things. These are their bag of tricks. Learn what they are so you can no longer be manipulated. They are aware of every part of you. Become more aware of them and do your undercover work.
Know Thyself (Including Your Weaknesses)
This is where the real work comes in, in terms of healing, and knowing yourself isn’t an easy-fix solution. Just like developing and growing any relationship, it takes time and is an ongoing process. What do you believe about you? How did you get into this relationship? Were there intuitive hits or red flags warning you to stay away?
Relationships are not meant to complete us, they have much to teach us. In looking at these things, you begin to acknowledge, understand and integrate the shadow, as well as develop healthy and loving relationships with others.
Monitor your thoughts:
Masaru Emoto found that human consciousness has an effect on the molecular structure of water. If you give water loving thoughts, its structure becomes beautiful, like a snowflake. If you play death metal music to it or concentrate negative emotions upon it, it resembles a black hole. Our bodies are 60% water. We must be extremely mindful of our thoughts, as they directly affect 60% of our physical body.
Make it a goal to have as many positive, loving thoughts towards yourself as possible – even if you don’t believe them to begin with, over time you will come to love yourself more. I used to repeat “I love and appreciate myself” when I was going through a difficult time, which sounds silly and I honestly used to find it asinine to say, but I have come to sincerely love and appreciate myself.
Changing how you think has a ripple effect on you. Over time — and this took many years and a health scare — I took better care of my body, but that came after I wasn’t in survival-mode, as it’s tough to make major life changes when you don’t have the funds, time or energy. Remember to put your metaphorical oxygen mask on yourself first, before you do anything else. Then, simply taking one step at a time not only breaks the work ahead into smaller, more-manageable pieces, but it garners long-lasting effects, changes and improvements.
Music has a very powerful effect on our emotions and generates particular frequencies. One song that I connected to this love bite experience with Derek was It Wasn’t Me by Shaggy. He loved this song and played it often. In fact, several of the lyrics reflect events that occurred while we were dating. Looking back at the words now, I can see why he valued this song so much, and, if I had the wherewithal to notice the lyrics while I was in this relationship, I would have recognized the clues they provided as to how he handled me.
Until you fully heal, cut out all music that reminds you of the person or try to avoid it to the best of your ability. It can be easily used as a manipulation tool.
Feel your feelings:
We are often encouraged to repress how we feel or “just move on,” but it is necessary to feel your feelings. Let them out in a safe space, without harming yourself or others. Scream into a pillow. Take a martial arts class. I’ve even walked away from situations and loudly whispered in another room, instead of screaming at the person who triggered me, to get my anger out and avoid pouring more gasoline on the fire. If you don’t let these emotions out somehow, sometime, it’s like pulling a carpet over a boulder. You might not be able to see the actual boulder, but it’s still there and unexpressed emotions can wreak havoc on your physical and mental health.
The key is to not let these feelings overcome you and take you down. Staying in a negative space for too long can foster a bitter sense of comfort which will breed, grow and attract lower level emotions, as well as those forces who feed off of negativity.
Speak with your Inner Child:
One tool I used was Ho’oponopono or Inner Child Work. This is a Hawaiian process of reconciliation or forgiveness, in which you speak to your inner child, who is thought to influence your current life. There are meditations for it on online, but the gist is you speak with your inner child about particular emotional issues you are facing, which usually develop during one’s childhood, and you provide the child with the love and validation that they didn’t receive, by saying I love you, I’m sorry, please forgive me, and thank you. You acknowledge their pain and by doing so, bring it into your awareness and heal.
Be alert to other potential love bite situations:
This one is extremely important.
When you think you’ve learned a lesson, you are often faced with it in another situation to see if you’ve actually changed or if “they” can still abuse you. This can and will come about when you least expect it and I can attest to this, having experienced several love bite relationships throughout my lifetime.
Again, know the enemy – the forces that thrive off of this look for trauma and try to insert themselves in through that, always. They don’t care if you’re in a downward spiral, if someone you love just passed away, if you’re having the worst year ever, if everything in your life seems to be going wrong, if you’re sick, or if you’re in pain – they flourish on that. It’s a feast for them.
Be gentle and patient with yourself:
Over the past week, while I directed my focus towards summarizing this love bite relationship, so that I could share my experience, I discovered that, even sixteen years later, I still had more healing to do. The following paragraphs will explain techniques and tips I used to heal, during that time.
I relaxed and replenished my bodies (physical and subtle) in Crystal Layouts, which is when one strategically places crystals around the body to direct energy in or out. Properly cleansed and programmed crystals have a strengthening effect on the aura/subtle bodies. During these layouts, I practiced grounding and used meditation to connect with my Me Team (click here for more info about Your Me Team) and to get myself centered.
I also carried crystals with me in my pockets during the week. I’ve been enjoying working with sunstone, which I find very positive and uplifting and ruby or black tourmaline to keep me grounded. Selenite is also great for cleansing your aura.
Subtle Body/Auric Energetic Operations & My Experience With Speaking Out:
During one meditation, I cut all energetic cords to Derek and these looked like ropes; then I cauterized the wounds. There were also tentacles between us that I severed, as well as parasitism, even though I had not had any contact with him in this physical realm for over ten years. This specific meditation and energetic operation was quite intense and I almost threw up, while reliving flashes of past experiences during this relationship, but I didn’t physically vomit and I’m grateful to have removed this energetic garbage from me.
I was also attacked by thoughts telling me to not speak out, keeping me from sleeping, attempting to make me feel ashamed of my experience, and making me physically very unsettled and anxious, and emotionally quite depressed. The overall message was for me to push this all under the carpet and to not use my voice to share my experience.
In the dreamscape, I was put in situations with Derek in a location I’ve been in, in the past. I don’t remember much about these experiences but I wake up with an almost sticky, disgusting feeling around me. Where we meet up reminds me of an airport.
I was bombarded with repetitive, negative thought loops and cried off and on for about 48 hours, while dealing with this barrage of negativity. A person in my immediate circle said, “If you’re going to slide back like this, maybe you shouldn’t speak out about this stuff.” Unbeknownst to that person, they were being used to encourage me to keep me quiet.
I was convinced I had a lot of shadow work I needed to do still and, while I still feel I’m a work in progress, when I examined the thought loops further in my meditation, I began to discover they were programs and after removing them, I felt better.
Shift out of the Victim Mentality and into an Empowered Reality:
At some point also, one must shift out of the victim mentality and into an empowered reality, by looking at how certain negative events had a roundabout positive influence on you.
I showed gratitude to my cat who saved me, when I was being strangled. I learned that I am very telepathic with animals and had tangible evidence of it.
While I’m not happy about how Derek treated me, I took accountability for my part in the relationship and was able to recognize the thoughts and emotions within myself that needed to be changed.
Even though it was difficult to share and stir up the old memories, I gained awareness that I still had work to do, to further heal from this love bite.
I have been shown how to energetically facilitate healing from these vampiric relationships and have had the opportunity to practice on myself, so I can better help others.
This has made me stronger and has helped me grow in ways that I never expected.
And lastly, I had to remind myself that it’s OK (and necessary) to fall back sometimes, especially when you’re taking a good, hard look at yourself.
What to do when someone you care about is experiencing a love bite:
I’ve had friends go through similar situations. If you have a friend going through something like this, the best thing you can do is be there for them. Show them love. They aren’t loving themselves. I didn’t love myself, during these relationships.
Since it’s not always easy to love someone who appears to be in self-destruct mode, it is essential that you take care of yourself first, by establishing your boundaries and, when your energy levels are charged up, do what you are able to do to help. It doesn’t have to be a big gesture. Just simply listening to someone can make a difference.
~ NOSCE TE IPSUM ~
With love and great respect for those who have experienced or are experiencing this,